


Virtuous Pride

by Demenscous



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, but lover's angst, but what he does know, childhood friends to lovers(?), even if it's taken all these years to admit it, he just has a hard time expressing his true emotions, he's so dramatic, if that makes sense, is that you're the one for him, mentions of breakup between oikawa and ex, oikawa pining for reader, sweet but angsty ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28995780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demenscous/pseuds/Demenscous
Summary: There’s a wound in Oikawa’s heart from where you stole a piece of it--it’s odd, though, for a thief to not even realize their crimes
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Virtuous Pride

**Author's Note:**

> here's that angst fic that's been in my "in progress" folder since NOVEMBER,, god why do i always start things and never finish them..

He hadn’t meant for it to happen.

“Tooru.”

Oikawa’s focus was still on the TV as he spoke up from the couch, “Yeah?”

“Tooru, seriously.”

At the blunt tone of his girlfriend, he turned to watch as she settled herself beside him, shifting uncomfortably on the cushion with averting eyes.

Raising a brow, Oikawa paused the show that had been playing on the screen, granting her his undivided attention, “Is something wrong?”

And when her gaze met his, solemn in the way her lips thinned, there was a part of him that knew all too well what was coming.

He wished he didn’t.

“We need to talk.”

And he hated that he was right.

Oikawa was reaching for her hand, searching her face for any hint that might tell him he’s wrong, he misunderstood, he misheard, because this can’t be happening. This can’t be another ending in his life, another period at the tail of a sentence.

“Of course--of course, what is it?” Panic was beginning to lace his voice, betraying the calm demeanor he had tried to maintain.

“Tooru…” It was an imploring of his name, her brows knitting in dread, “Don’t act like you don’t know where this is going.”

He was squeezing her hand now, his thumb tracing circles along her knuckles, “No...no, please don’t do this.”

She opened her mouth as if to speak, but Oikawa was quicker to the cut.

“Where did it go wrong? Tell me where it went wrong and I’ll fix it--I’ll fix everything just, _fuck_ , don’t do this, not now, _please_ not now.”

“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be--”

“Harder?” He huffed in disbelief, shaking his head as a bitter smile tainted his mouth, “ _Harder?_ ” Oikawa repeated, tasting the word on his tongue, mulling it over like poison; a poison he would gladly take, if only to numb the pain.

He could see the way she bit the inside of her cheek before pulling her hand out from underneath his, twining it with the other in her lap instead. His palm felt empty at the loss of contact; or maybe it was him, slowly corroding away from the inside.

“I think we should break up--I think it’s time we moved on from each other.” Her words were hushed, but in the deafening silence, they rang truer than any bell.

Oikawa was shaking his head numbly, frantically, a string of litanies falling from his lungs in the form of pleas, choking him as a prayer might choke a sinner. She was taking his face in her hold, a gesture once used so dotingly, now signifying a closure.

“You don’t love me anymore, Tooru, you haven’t for a while now.” A merciful expression graced her features, the tips of her fingers brushing away a few strands of hair from his eyes.

His throat burned, tightening, “No…no, I’ve always loved you--I still do, _I still do_.”

“No, you don’t--you care about me, but that’s not love; they aren’t the same thing.”

“Yes, they are.” His vision was swimming, he could barely make out her features, “They can be the same thing, I can make them the same thing. For you, I can make them the same thing.” He was babbling, he knew he was, and he knew it was pathetic.

“You can’t, I’m sorry.” Her chest rose unsteadily, “You can’t change who you love, you can’t pretend that the way you see me and the way you see y/n is the same, because it’s not.”

He didn’t understand. She was speaking and he didn’t understand, “What…what are you talking about?”

“Tooru, you don’t love me because you love _her_ . You only care about me, and--and you can’t love me the way you do her.” She removed her hands from their place of cradling his face, “The worst part is that I’ve known it since the day we met--I _knew_ you were in love with her, but I saw that you didn’t even know it yourself and so I thought…I thought that maybe, over time, you’d grow out of it and we could be happy together. But I guess that was my first mistake.” 

And it had been her first of many, she thought, gathering her things and placing a final kiss goodbye on his cheek before leaving.

She only hoped Oikawa would realize soon enough that the beginning of their relationship had been the first mistake of many for him as well.

※※※

You hadn’t heard from him in days.

Calling his phone, only to be sent immediately to voicemail; texting him and being left on delivered. Even asking Iwaizumi at school if he’d seen Oikawa lately, but a single shake of his head was enough to send you into a spiraling panic.

Of course, it wasn’t long until you found yourself at Oikawa’s front door, knocking fervently, because if he wasn’t here, then a missing persons report with his name on it would be your next step--no matter how drastic the measure may be.

“Oikawa?” You leaned in toward the door, pressing your ear against the wood to hear nothing in return. Desperation was beginning to claw beneath your skin and you found yourself reaching for the spare key hidden in the flower pot to the left, a minor detail you’d almost forgotten from the summer days that his family had asked you to house sit.

Inside, it was as barren as it had sounded with the exception of a few scattered objects that claimed to be the only proof of habitation.

Slipping your shoes off at the door, you peered around as if waiting for one of his parents to greet you as they usually did, but they were both at work, blissfully unaware of their son’s sudden withdrawals from the people he had once held so close.

You called his name out again, wandering the rooms of the house until you found yourself staring at his bedroom door, slightly ajar with dimmed light peeking through the crack, “Oikawa?” The sound of someone gently shifting was enough for your fingers to find the handle of the door, sliding it open on silent tracks.

And there he sat among sheets of crumpled homework, cross-legged in front of his desk, a muss of hair buried in folded arms on top of the wood.

Your grip fell from the door, feet already closing the distance between the two of you as you placed a coaxing hand between his shoulder blades, kneeling down, “Tooru?”

God, you sounded just like her sometimes; but you weren’t her. 

And she was never you.

And maybe that had been the problem from the start. All this time he’d been trying to find someone like _you_ , trying to fill the void you’d created from the moment you called him by his given name all those years ago.

But it seems that time doesn’t heal all wounds, at least, not the ones you can’t see.

Brown, half-lidded eyes met yours, the whites an irritated red and the skin around them puffy and pinkened as Oikawa awoke. 

Looking at you know, your eyebrows lowered in concern, your gentle hands running along his face, pushing back the hair along his forehead, he felt a burn limning his throat once again. Why did you have to touch him like that? Why did you have to come looking for him? Why did you have to be everything he’s ever wanted and everything he’ll never have?

_Why did he have to be in love with you?_

He wants to blame you for the end of his relationship, he wants to pin it all on you because he’s _tired_ of blaming himself for all the things that go wrong in his life, but he _can’t_. Even as he’s lifting his head and telling you that his girlfriend broke up with him because she believed he was in love with you; he can’t blame you for his own faults.

No, even as the conversation escalates and he finds himself seething between his teeth and your own expression twisting in distaste at his animosity, he can’t blame you. He won’t.

“If it’s not true, why are you so pissed off about it?” Your arms were crossed as you spoke with a biting tone to match that of his own, leaning against the nearest wall as Oikawa stood in the center of the bedroom, hands desperately scrubbing at his face, sliding back into his hair before he turned to you.

It was in the way his lips parted to speak, but no words came; the way in which he stared at you with longing, with _apology_.

Oh, sweetheart, if only you would’ve looked just a little bit closer, you would’ve seen it right from the start. 

“It’s not true...is it?” Your voice was so small, so hesitant, and Oikawa couldn’t take it anymore. He was closing the space between the two of you without a second thought, stopping in front of you when he noticed the way in which you pressed yourself further into the wall. You watched him swallow, his throat bobbing painfully, as his trembling hands rested on either of your shoulders and squeezed delicately. He could barely look you in the eyes when he gave you his answer and you could feel his tremoring touch upon your skin.

Oikawa’s forehead fell to rest against your own, his fingers curling around the sides of your face to hold you closer, “Are you proud of me yet?” And he’s speaking lowly with such fraught, it hurts you. “Are you proud of me yet for finally owning up to my emotions; you always did say I was terrible at that.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> holy shit i can't believe February is almost here like where did january go??? anyways if you haven't watched jjk yet,, highly recommend it,, i still rlly want to write something for it but im not sure what route i would take AND i need to get down the jjk universe and all its technicalities,, and bc i haven't read the manga, i only know what's been given so far for the anime
> 
> Other Socials  
> Tumblr: demxnscous


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